Thursday, July 2, 2009

In a Hurry to Go Nowhere

Listen, I know you've been sucking the Dunkin' teat for 5 hours of caffeinated high time, but take a deep breath and look forward beyond the next 2 seconds of your life next time you're stopped & about to turn onto a new road.

If you pull out in front of me, and force me to brake, then you didn't have a gap large enough to accommodate a safe turn onto the new road. So now you have me tailgating your ass and shouting obscenities at you. And now, you're driving all sketchily because you're freaked out and hopped up with a crazy person behind you. How could this have been avoided?

Well, since behind me was a clear 1/2 mile of empty road and not a vehicle to speak of, perhaps you could have just taken an extra second and looked at the next gap instead of gunning out in front of me and forcing me to brake. But, no, you really needed to get to Wal-Mart for the big bottled water sale, so you could quench your hyper-caffeinated cotton mouth. So now you have a crazy person behind you, and, oh, what's that ahead? An f-ing red light! Well done! Glad you could get right out in front of me and beat me to that stop light! What a sense of urgency you have! You should be Tom Brady's backup. No, Tom Brady should be YOUR backup, because clearly you are on the ball and locked into the moment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm hyper-caffeinated too. Cheers, and happy 4th. Now go "celebrate the independence of your nation by blowing up a small part of it."


  1. Rhode Rage has made me a better, and a more annoyed Rhode Island driver. It makes me realize the stupid things people do even more than I had before.
    I thoroughly enjoy reading this blog, and I have never read a single blog before this one.... I may look up more!