Wednesday, July 8, 2009

"I Want to Sell YOU a Cah"

There is a strictly enforced law in our great State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations* that states that, if you own a furniture store, law firm, or car dealership, you must conceive, write, and star in all television advertisements promoting said business. Local, upstanding role models include Abrams & Verri Attorneys at Law, Mike Grieco of Metro Honda, and the Cardi Brothers of Cardi's Furniture Superstores.

Balise Toyota, your days are numbered. You think you can flaunt your anonymous, articulate announcer & professionally-designed, animated logo and get away with it? Please don't make me laugh. Rhode Island and Providence Plantations' finest are concocting a sting operation that will make "Operation Plunderdome" look like a hall monitor citation. You're going down, and going down hard.

Maybe, MAYBE, Mr. Balise, if you were to immediately enroll in the Ed Tarbox School of Broadcasting, cast yourself & and a young relative in a brand new ad, and get the ad on the air within 24 hours ("That's the Rhode Island and Providence Plantations way!" as Sean Connery might say in The Unbroadcastables), the State could let you off with just a warning. But if they ever catch you running a tasteful TV commercial again, they're going to unleash the street justice of the Cardi brothers on your ass, who will promptly knock you out and Ni-Ro-Pe(e) on your face. Consider yourself warned.

*Yes, this is Rhode Island's official name. We love bad ads, bad driving, and, above all, wasting ink.

No comments:

Post a Comment