Friday, June 19, 2009

Stay Wide, Ponyboy, Stay Wide

Visualize this situation that tends to ruin the last leg of my morning commute. I'm at a stop light in the left lane of two left turn lanes. To my right, in the right lane of the two left turn lanes, is Mr. I-commute-to-my-desk-job-in-a-Ford-F-250-because-I'm-overcompensating-for-my-small-penis. Our lights go green, and I start a rounded turn to avoid scraping the car positioned at my 10 o'clock that is stopped at its own light in preparation to cross the intersection. My destination: the left lane of the road I'm turning on to. Mr. Overcompensation, meanwhile, makes a beeline for the right lane of the road we're turning on to, cuts off my radius, and forces me to brake, lean on my horn, and shout "YOU CAN OVERCOMPENSATE FOR YOUR SMALL PENIS, BUT YOU CAN'T COMPENSATE IN THE LEAST FOR MY TURNING RADIUS??!!"

Pay attention now, Rhode Islanders, the proper way to make a left turn from the right lane of two left turn lanes is to proceed straight for what might feel like an uncomfortably long time, then proceed into a WIDE, rounded left turn into the right lane of the road you're turning on to. Your goal is to return your steering wheel back to straight position AS you reach the threshold of your destination lane.

1 comment:

  1. I'm all for more lines in the streets and some enforcement of the rules. Rules are meaningless without enforcement. Plus I am longing for the day when gas is so expensive that big cars (and leafblowers and other silly fossil fuel-driven machines doing useless work or that that should be done manually) are too expensive to operate. Tax the gas and use the $ for health care, which might get less expensive if we quit dumping all the exhaust into the air that we have no choice but to breathe.

    And on the subject of leaf blowers, etc. Once we get the carbon tax figured out how about a decibel tax? Keep that motor thing loud but pay for it.