Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Forward to the Landfill in Reverse!

The frustration never ends on Rhode Island roads. Without fail, the ignorami (Don't mess with me, automatic spelling checker, that's a word) come out of the woods to somehow thwart my morning commute. This morning, they came out within a half-mile of my home in the form of a garbage truck. 

There I was, driving westbound on a two-lane, back road, approaching a garbage truck that was stopped; facing me in the eastbound lane. As I approached, the garbage truck started to roll, not forward toward me as any sane person might progress on a two-lane, back road, BUT BACKWARD, AWAY FROM ME. So now both lanes of traffic on this narrow, two-lane, back road, are heading westbound: one in the usual headlights-first, forward manner; the other in the highly unorthodox, taillights-first, please-crash-into-me-so-I-can-crush-you-in-my-compactor, backward manner. 

Onward we dominated the road for a solid quarter-mile. All the while, I stayed 50 feet in front of (or should I say behind? "I'm just a caveman, your honor. Your world frightens and confuses me.") the garbage truck, staring at the driver and mouthing phrases fit for "The Old Man" in A Christmas Story. 

Finally, and thankfully without incident (beyond the ludicrous situation itself), the garbage truck stopped and embarked on a more conventional, forward quest down a new road by taking a standard, right hand turn. I continued to stare bemusedly at the driver as I passed him. He returned my look and gave me a "What's the problem?" expression. I shook my head and continued on to work. 

"What's the problem?"

THAT's the problem. 

1 comment:

  1. But weren't you laughing just a little bit? This (and may of the situations you describe) would make brilliant television. In a year there'll probably be enough material. Nice work here, Johnny!